All we want for Christmas is… 2000 Days.

2000 Days of Mercy

That is what we have on our Christmas wish list here at Mercy Ministries of Canada. It is a great-big-audacious-over the top goal,  but we know that
“What is impossible with man is possible with God”

Felicity needed the time to get on the road to transformation

…and we know only too well what each of those days would mean to a hurting young woman.   Every day spent at Mercy Ministries brings a troubled young woman closer to transformation -  just like they did for Felicity, our most recent graduate.

Felicity had grown up in Ontario,  with loving parents in a Christian home, but after some trauma at a young age she began to believe that she was “worthless, stupid, boring and unlovable”

“In high school I  began doing anything to stay in the popular crowd: drinking, sex, drugs, fooling around with girls, whatever it took to make other people like me and to numb the pain of hating myself at the same time.”

After years of rebellion and depression Felicity finally realized she needed help and applied to come to the Mercy Ministries home in British Columbia.  Each day Felicity spent at Mercy Ministries moved her forward along the road to transformation:

“I took a step of faith and flew five and a half hours alone to Mercy.  When I got here I realized just how difficult this was all going to be.  I really wanted help but I didn’t know if I could face my problems head on so far away from anything familiar to me, but that’s where I found God.  I finally realized I cant do anything and I don’t have to, God wanted to help me!  So I decided to stay no matter how scared I was and to trust God again little by little.

At first I didn’t trust anyone here.  I didn’t trust the staff because I had so many professing Christian people in my life lie to me and let me down, but God softened my heart.  I began to feel the love from the staff here, God showed me that they really were here because they wanted to help me and love me back to God.  Once I trusted them I became like a sponge, trying to learn all I could and apply it to my life.

One day here, a scripture I had heard many times before finally impacted me , I applied it to myself and realized… I’m fearfully and wonderfully made, oh my gosh! I am made in the image of God , I’m the head and not the tail, there is no way if I am created in his image that I am worthless or boring, I am a favored child of God!  I began discovering my new identity in Christ, forgiving and cutting off soul ties.  I revisited the dreams in my heart like moving to England – because of my heart for British people and my ancestry – pursuing cosmetology, competing with my horse and also new dreams he had placed in my heart,  like one day helping girls who had been in the same dark place I had been and speaking to them about God’s love and their worth in Christ.

After slowly rediscovering who God created me to be and letting him in to do what he needed to do, the fear just left, my depression lifted and the feelings of being dirty and guilty were gone, I was redeemed!  The love and acceptance of God changed everything.”

Every one of the days Felicity spent at Mercy Ministries made a difference! Young women like Felicity – who come to Mercy needing time to work through their difficulties – spend about 200 days  in our free of charge program. Each of those days costs $165  and every day of Mercy is chock full of  God’s word, Biblical counseling, loving support, prayer, challenge, nutrition education,  food, shelter, medical support, hope and love!

2000 days of Mercy would provide the funds to take 10 young women through our entire program of restoration and hope!

So how many days of Mercy can you give?  You could not give a more important gift to a hurting young woman this season. Just ask Felicity. This year her Christmas will be filled with hope.

“Thank you for creating a safe place for me to come and walk this journey out with God … God has truly restored me and redirected the entire course of my life through Mercy Ministries and I will never be the same!”

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A Summer Celebration of Miracles

Last Sunday, under sunny skies and a cool breeze, board, staff, supporters and graduates of Mercy Ministries gathered to celebrate and thank God for everything that He has done over the last year. After enjoying delicious barbequed delicacies and cool drinks, supporters settled in to hear ministry updates from Executive Director Nicola Bartel.

Supporters enjoy a delicious barbecue and each other’s company

Of course the biggest reasons to celebrate are the lives that have been transformed and the hope that has been restored, to broken lives. 8 young women rededicated their lives to God and 7 were water baptized in the last year alone. Graduates (one who came from Edmonton for the occasion!)  and current residents stood to applause for their courage.

Graduates and residents look on in support as Jenn shares her story

2012 graduate Jenn DuLong shared her moving story of freedom, from sexual promiscuity, and an eating disorder through the counseling, care and biblical teaching at Mercy Ministries.  Then she told of a miracle God performed in her life as part of her journey, just as she was beginning to blossom within the security of the Mercy home:

“At 17, I had started having severe panic attacks, and I developed obsessive-compulsive disorder. I was so afraid of germs that I would wash my hands until they would literally bleed; I would never touch doorknobs; I would never shake hands; and if someone at my mother’s house got sick I would go stay with my dad for a couple of weeks until the sickness was out of the house. When I first came to Mercy I had to wear gloves in order to participate in meals and wouldn’t shake hands.”

The Christmas after I came to Mercy Ministries, someone anonymously donated a plane ticket to me so I could visit my family in Nova Scotia for Christmas – I don’t know who they are but thank you if you’re here. At first, I was really concerned about being away from Mercy; however, God surprised me with a very special Christmas present. While I was home, God randomly took away my obsessive-compulsive disorder. Out of no where, I was able to eat without washing my hands, shake others’ hands, and take communion for the first time in over 10 years! I was initially in shock; all I could do was cry and worship God for the two weeks I was home.  Imagine Mercy staff surprise when I came back after Christmas and had a bite of an apple without washing it!”

“The fact that this happened while Jenn was away from the Mercy home is a reminder that, it is God who does the work, not us.”said Nicola after the testimony that followed her report  to supporters. Nicola reported on the many ways God had provided  and worked through Mercy Ministries since the first anniversary celebration last August. Some of the highlights include:

Nicola Bartel Shares highlights from the last year of ministry

• The family of Ed Spence, an enthusiastic supporter of Mercy ministries who passed  away suddenly from a heart attack,  donated money to construct an external building to be used for counselling  and transitional care.
• Mercy Ministries Canada became the first Mercy home to have a doctor who makes weekly house visits.
• A generous businessman donated a second van and paid for the first year’s insurance. Giving us enough transportation to fill the home to its capacity of 20 girls!
• In 2011 Mercy Ministries of Canada miraculously met budget for the first time in its history.

A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed. (psalm 11:25)

Thank you for the refreshing you’ve brought into the lives of young women who need Mercy!

Dallas’ Story: “I am beautiful, blameless, and treasured!”

Graduation day at Mercy is always our favorite day! Last week, two beautiful young women, Sydney and Dallas,  graduated from our program.  Today, we are honoured to share a bit more from our horse-loving, graduate Dallas. Even before she began her emotional testimony, Dallas wanted to make one thing clear to the full room of friends, family, residents, staff, and supporters: “I have forgiven everyone from my past. I praise God that He is the greatest redeemer of all.” Amen.

The Years Before Transformation

Dallas grew up in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan with her parents and little brother. From the outside, her family appeared flawless, but nothing could be farther from the truth. Dallas and her brother endured emotional, mental, and physical abuse, in a home filled with fear and secrets. Dallas desperately wanted to feel loved and safe, but because of the neglect and abuse she endured behind closed doors, she began to believe that there was something wrong with her, that she was only getting what she deserved.

Throughout this time, her mother tried to teach her about God, but this only resulted in warped ideas. Dallas asked Jesus into her heart, out of fear of hell, but she thought that God was judgmental, and he would only love her if she was perfect. It was exhausting. Her mother became ill, and her parents eventually divorced. It was messy.

Then, at a very young age, she became sexually active. This encounter caused Dallas to feel guilt and shame, almost as if she was “used” or “dirty.” She became sexually active with men and women, allowing people to take advantage of her. She became skilled at secrets. She began to be controlled and tormented by fear, particularly through terrible nightmares. Dallas endured negative comments about her weight constantly, even at home, and she pretended not to care, even though it hurt horribly. When she lost weight after an unrelated surgery as a teen, the resulting attention and compliments only confirmed her fear that she was worthy if she was “thin and perfect.” She began cycles of binging and purging, restrictions and indulgences, that continued for years.

Dallas used drugs, sex, and alcohol to cope. She lived a double life, convincing everyone that she was fine, even while addicted. After three years, she half-hardheartedly sought treatment. She “worked the system” – allowing counsellors to believe she was sober, while she kept her destructive behaviors. She lost half of her body weight, due to her eating disorder and addictions.

“I was so sick of life that I honestly felt that, if this was all my life was going to be, I would rather be dead,” said Dallas. That was when her cousin, Jenna, told her to apply at Mercy. During the application process, Dallas’ eating disorder endangered her life. With the care of a Christian psychologist, a dietician’s counsel, the support of her boyfriend, and the fervent prayers of her mom, Dallas’s health miraculously stabilized. This drew her closer to God. For the first time, Dallas felt that God might have something more for her, and she wanted to know more.

Freedom

Supported by family Dallas was healthy enough to run 10k in May

Dallas arrived at Mercy desperate for healing and freedom. She was determined to graduate, to be perfect, so she completed her assignments, met her milestones, and, once again, worked to earned her self-worth. “I believed I was at Mercy to learn how to cope,” admitted Dallas. “But Mercy has not  helped me to “cope” – it’s been so much more than that! I have learned that I can overcome all of my issues, they no longer need to rule my life.”

“I  have honestly fallen head over heels in love with Jesus and I am experiencing an overwhelming relationship with my Heavenly Father,” shares Dallas. “I have nothing to fear. God has proven Himself to me, again and again, how faithful and good He is.”

Dallas has been set free from drug and alcohol addictions, sexual sin, and eating disorders. She is walking in freedom.

“I know that I have the choice – to choose life – and not only that, but I can enjoy it! Every day God wipes my slate clean, and I am ready to battle whatever comes my way. I choose to treasure the body that God has given me. I refuse to let guilt and fear overwhelm me when I eat. God has completely delivered me from my addiction to exercise, and now I am able to exercise for fun, not out of obligation. I was even successful at running the 10K Run for Mercy!”

“I am a child of God,” proclaimed Dallas boldly, “and I am beautiful, blameless, and treasured in the eyes of my Heavenly Father. I no longer live under guilt and shame from my past.”

Thank You

“To my family and friends, your support has gotten me through more than you know” said Dallas. “To the Mercy staff and all the wonderful, amazing people who have been supporting me, and praying for me, words cannot explain the impact you have made in my life. Thank you! And to Jesse, it is only by God’s power, and His grace, that He has enabled you to stand right by my side for the past 5 years, through a lot of turmoil and trouble. Through it all, you have refused give up on me. You are truly amazing.”

Dallas’ most tender words were reserved for her Rescuer though: “Most of all, thank you Jesus… your blood has made me clean, pure and completely brand new; I once was lost but now I am found.”

Dallas celebrates her freedom with Mercy Ministries’ Executive Director Nicola Bartel

Life After Mercy

Dallas went back home to Saskatoon this week, covered in prayer. Like all of our graduates, she will experience a supportive year of Transitional Care as she begins her new chapter. But no matter what she may face in the future, she will never have to do it alone again, from now on, she is walking through life with Jesus. “I have experienced just how important it is that I allow God to do His work, in His timing, and that He has a purpose for everything, both the good and the bad. And, by His grace, I am free!”

We are so proud of you, Dallas! You are so loved. We can’t wait to see what you do with your new freedom.

A Heart Secured: Sydney’s Story

Two more stories of transformation turned a page yesterday with the graduation of Sydney and Dallas from the Mercy Canada home. Their stories told to family friends and supporters were moving testimonies of the the power of God’s love.  Stay tuned for Dallas’ story later in the week; today we share excerpts of Sydney’s story of going from rejection and fear to security and faith

Sydney broke free from depression and anxiety

Sydney’s experiences with anxiety and depression began early. At school, she was bullied because of  her weight, and at home her teenage parents had split up early in her life – which she falsely blamed herself for. When her mom became ill,  Sydney took on the the role of helper as another way to escape from school, so by high school,  she was attending school only twice a week in a special classroom, by herself.

At 15,  she had surgery to remove her left ovary because of a tumour  A couple of months later, after a difficult recovery, a follow-up ultrasound showed another tumour on  her right ovary.

“I was devastated, kids were the one thing I wanted most in this world,” says Sydney.  When the surgery was scheduled, she was told that her right ovary could most likely be saved. “I was ecstatic!!!  but after the surgery, the doctor told me that the surgery had not gone as planned, the ovary was overtaken by the tumour, and it could not be saved. I was devastated, I had become barren, all the thoughts that ran through my mind were that a barren woman has no value, and what kind of man would ever want a woman who can’t do the one thing she was made to do?” The last straw came when Sydney was told that the tumours were cancerous; she decided to fully walk away from God.

“I went into new age spirituality, Ouija boards and messing around with satanic stuff like that. I felt hopeless, so I ate all the time; I was trying to find something to fill the empty void in my heart. Weight had always been an issue, but never this bad, I was eating enough for 3 to 4 people and I reached a maximum weight of 420 pounds.” Medical issues continued to dominate Sydney’s life and eventually,  she was put on a heavy dose of pain medication.

“A brand new door was opened. I found out that when I took pain meds, I felt great. I forgot about the pain in my body, and the pain of my past. With my mom having chronic kidney stones, she was also on the same medication. I decided that what was hers was mine. I was taking up to 20 pills in a 15 hour period. One night, I reached my lowest point – I took too many pills at once, and I was terrified that I would not wake up the next morning. For the first time in 5 years, I prayed. I prayed that God would let me see my family at least once more. I woke up the next morning, and never told anybody what happened. Two weeks later, I was accepted to Mercy.”

Sydney’s grandmother told her about Mercy Ministries

“When I came to Mercy I was terrified of people, I was convinced that no one could like me, because of my size and that they judged me before they got to know me. I refused to make eye contact with anyone, and I thought that I was a burden and annoying. I would look in the mirror everyday and hate what I saw. I was positive that no one could or would ever love me and that I had to earn love,” says Sydney.

“During my second month I was deciding on whether or not I should leave,  I was required to read The Best Decision You Will Ever Make by Joyce Meyer.  I realized what was missing from my life – Jesus. I met with a staff member and invited Jesus into my life. It didn’t start immediately, but I did notice a change. I didn’t feel alone all the time anymore. And my heart felt like it was being held in protective hands. For the first time in a long time, I felt peaceful and safe. I finally felt clean after many years of feeling dirty.

I have learned so many amazing things at Mercy; I’ve learned that people truly like me. I was convinced that people were as repulsed by my body as I was, and that they would never give me a chance but I’m learning that my worth does not depend on my body or my looks, once people get to know me they might like me and if they don’t, its okay because I like me, and I know that God likes me. One of the most important things I have learned is that I can not control other people’s thoughts or actions. I have to set up boundaries, and if they don’t like them, their feelings and actions are not my responsibility. I can only be responsible for myself.

A scripture that has gotten me through a lot of issues is 2 Timothy 1:7, “God has not given me a spirit of fear, but one of power, love and a sound mind.” It had been really helpful because I have lived in fear for so many years: fear of what people think of me, fear of being rejected, of never being loved, or never being given a chance, also the fear of my cancer coming back, I mean the list goes on and on.  But God has not given me a spirit of fear, and I don’t need to be insecure because I cast all my anxiety on Him because He cares for me.

I am a daughter of the most high God and Satan has no power over me, because GOD is my healer and my redeemer. I will trust Him with my life, for the rest of my life.”

How – and Why – I Raised $5,000 for Mercy

Our top fundraiser for the Run for Mercy 2012 was one of our own former residents, Patricia! We were so impressed by her efforts that we invited her here to share from her heart about how – and most importantly, why – she raised more than $5,000 for the freedom of other young women and won  a brand new Kobo Vox e-reader at the Run for Mercy.

Wow, the Run for Mercy was so amazing. I have wanted to go to one for a few years now but I always seem to miss it. This one meant so much more to me as I had actually been to the program and realized what a difference it really made.

This was my first time in my life fundraising.  I never expected to to achieve that much money.  I started off with a goal of $1,000 and thought I could attain this one.  After one month I did, then a week later I made it to my next goal of $1,500, and then a few days later I was up to $2,000.  Then I thought, “why not try $3,000?” and got that in a week.  I thought, “why not do the impossible and make a goal of $5,000 in the next 8 days?”  It happened literally at the last minute.

I told people how after I got home I realized how much the Mercy staff really loved on me, and that helped me see and accept God.  Mercy really helped a lot, and with them and God, I have transformed into a new person that everyone in my life has never seen before.   I am actually able to be happy, and I want to live life. I know I have God, and Mercy, to thank for that.

With my passion for Mercy, I really wanted to give back.  I asked people in my life to give what was on their hearts from God to give and, well, they gave big.  My family and friends were really into it, too, which helped with getting me donations.  I have to say when I prayed to God, I asked him to do a miracle and do the impossible and help me raise $4,500 and I could contribute the rest.  Praise God because when you believe in Him, He comes through in a huge way.

Transformation: A Mother’s Story

by Dara Lee Orpin

At Mercy Graduation on May 8th

May 8th, 2012 is a day that we will always remember. This is the day that our precious daughter graduated from Mercy Ministries.

Our journey, living with a daughter with an eating disorder, anxiety, self harm and depression started about 9 years ago. That’s when the biggest fight of our lives began; the fight to keep our daughter alive.

There is nothing worse in this world than watching your daughter die a little more every day. There is nothing worse than sitting back and watching your daughter slip away from you,  knowing there is nothing that you can do to prevent it — although believe me, we never stopped trying. There is nothing worse than seeing such torture in your daughter’s eyes and knowing that your love isn’t enough to make her want to fight to live.

Our daughter finally did go into a recovery center in our province but it was not her time to heal because she was not really wanting to get well. We knew what was missing in her recovery, and that was God. We always believed that He was the answer because in our hearts we believed it was a spiritual battle.

When Kennee made the decision to come to Mercy we knew that this was the answer to all of our prayers. We knew that once she gave up control to God there would be no turning back and that she would be completely victorious over the demons that had plagued her for so many years. We also realized that we had to give our beautiful daughter up to God. We truly believed that God had a plan for her, but it was hard to let go and let God. Once we all let God take the wheel, that is when the miracles came pouring down on Kennee. She started moving ahead in leaps and bounds.

Kennee is now working towards complete healing, happiness and a desire to live the life that God had planned for her. We were finally getting our daughter back!

When we came to Kennee’s graduation from Mercy Ministries, we hadn’t seen Kennee for four months and we saw life in her eyes for the first time in many many years. We had not seen Kennee in short sleeves for 5 years, because of self harm. At the graduation, she was wearing short sleeves. I saw victory scars and to me they were beautiful because she had conquered her demons. She was God’s child and proud of it.

Dara Lee holds her daughter’s scarred hands at graduation

To sit there and watch her share her testimony was so emotional and yet healing at the same time. There are no more secrets between us. We can start fresh. My heart is so full of love and gratitude to our beautiful God. He has a plan for her that is far more spectacular then anything that we could have planned.

Mercy Ministries, thank you ,thank you, thank you. We are so proud of the beautiful young woman that she is becoming and Kennee is one of the most courageous young woman that I have ever known.

Never give up on your child because I promise you, God has a plan for them that will blow you away!!

A Letter to a Perfectionist

Graduation day at Mercy is always a sacred time. There is a tangible presence of God in the room, and we all feel like we’re witnesses to miracles. This past week, two of our residents graduated and, as always, there were so many moments that stand out in our mind as we look back at the experience. We’ll likely share a few of those powerful moments over the next few weeks here at our blog, so make sure you subscribe!

Katy, our amazing counselor, wrote a letter to one of our graduates and then read it aloud to her at the ceremony. This precious young woman had waged a life-long battle with perfectionism, a battle that she often lost as she daily cut her own flesh, and starved herself as punishment, even as relief from her emotional pain.

Today, her life has been transformed, she is walking in freedom and wholeness.  

Dear K:

Until now, I see the dance of your life with God as a classical ballet.  Drill, form, perfection.  Learning steps prescribed from hundreds of years ago.  Stretching, training, denying your body, dancing till you bleed; never excellent enough, always worried about keeping in time with those around you.  A half beat late or an artistic flick of the wrist is severely reprimanded by the director.  Dancing Swan Lake where one error means bringing down the entire production.

As an audience member, I come away from a ballet with visions of fairies dancing on a pedestal of perfection and epic soundtrack music, and the keen understanding that I am inadequate.  I’ll never be able to move like that.  Don’t get me wrong, I love ballet – but it is no way to live your life.  Hiding, fear, restriction, perfection.  You lived your life dancing for a “god” who was waiting for any chance to pounce on your inadequacies, even after a good performance, to demand you work harder and harder, never satisfied.

But now… a new dance has emerged – the tango.  You threw away a pair of slippers and wandered down the street until the strong beat from a studio drew you in, hanging out in the background you thought you could watch till you felt confident you’d mastered each step.

But God took your hand and drew you out from that wall – he is a partner that already knows you intimately, able to predict your half-beat behindness and adjusting to your wrist flick so that it deepens the beauty of the dance.

This dance is SO different.  Steps are present to be sure – but the best performances, the most engaging moments, are when technique is thrown to the curb and passion rises.  Daughter, there is a fire that burns inside of you, and in that, there is freedom!  The God you know now is to be enjoyed, trusted because he is dancing for joy over you in the heavens.

After watching a tango, I sneak into my room and turn on the soundtrack from Havana Nights and twist and turn till my abs hurt!  I don’t know the steps the professionals do – but they’ve allowed me to feel human emotion and that is something I can connect with and it inspires me.  This season, honey, is not for striving.  It is not for slicked hair or tutus that stand at ridged attention – it is for connecting to the heart of those who watch you, so in that process you might find deeper the heart God has placed inside of you, and for big flowers in your hair!

It was our God who made the transformation in you – and it is for that reason alone that I have full confidence that He will finish the good work he has started. 

Not because you know the steps so well, but because He is a generous partner.

Love Katy

We are so proud of you, K! You are loved.

P.S. Today is the last day to register online for the Run for Mercy on Saturday 12 May! (But don’t panic. You can still register on-site if you miss the deadline.)

Ballet image source.  Woman dancing image source.

From Abandoned to Adopted: Christina’s Story

Christina tells her story at her graduation from Mercy Ministries

My testimony, in essence, is really a LOVE story.  A Story of a little girl who truly believed that she was unlovable, unwanted, and invisible.  A story of a God who saw her, rescued her, and won her heart.  As she grew, He watched as her heart became captivated with other things.  He watched as she forgot who she was, who she belonged to; and tried desperately to draw life from herself and others. But He could not give up on her, because SHE BELONGED TO HIM.”

This is MY story of how God has loved me, and has so gently drawn my gaze back to HIM, the one that I had always loved.  The only one who can AMAZINGLY satisfy the longings in my heart”

When Christina was a young girl, her mother became a Christian and she grew up in a church where she felt accepted and loved. She accepted Jesus into her heart when she was only seven years of age. Though church was her “absolute favorite place in the whole world,” life at home was unhappy. Her mother battled depression and an alcohol addiction and her parents did not get along. “As I look back on my life, I can see a pattern starting, in which it would seem as if I was living two lives.”

When she was 12 years old, her mom disappeared for a day without explanation. This started a pattern of disappearing without warning or explanation. Her parents eventually divorced, and after about a year Christina’s mom left for good and she didn’t see her for a very long time. Christina focused on her dad, trying to work hard to keep things at home perfect, worried by a fear that he might leave also. At 13 years old, Christina read an article about a young woman who battled with bulimia, and this planted a seed that grew into an eating disorder that would stay with her for the next 16 years.

After high school Christina traveled around Canada with a Christian theater company and then had an opportunity to intern with a youth pastor at an “exciting, charismatic church.” However the eating disorder stayed with her and she did not face it until a couple of girls in the youth group she led, confessed their struggles to her. At the suggestion of her pastor Christina started counseling

MARRIAGE, MINISTRY AND MASKS

Around this time Christina met her husband Trevor, she was attracted to the freedom she saw in him. “He was just Trevor. He didn’t try to impress anyone, and I so badly wanted this freedom in my own life.” After dating for a while, she told Trevor that she was getting help for an eating disorder, and with hope for her healing, they got engaged, and married in June 2004.

Cristina's heart longed for abundant life

Unfortunately, married life became A “magnified version of the double life standard” from her childhood. Hiding the reality of her inner struggles and outwardly living a “perfect” life.

Christina and Trevor were very active in the church and youth ministry, always smiling and enthusiastic. They had a new house, great friends, fun vacations, and genuinely good times, but on the inside of their home, life was very different.

“I was depressed a lot of the time, trying to numb myself by eating next to nothing and obsessively exercising.  I had to quit my job, as I was too weak and would frequently faint. I was in and out of the hospital and treatment programs, feeling so ashamed of myself, and what was going on in my head.  I didn’t know what was wrong with me or how to get over this.”

Christina’s mom came back into her life when she heard that Christina was sick. She stopped drinking moved to the city where Christina lived, then moved in for a while to be a support for Christina. Christina’s heart opened up to her,  but in a short while she began drinking again and then one day, as she had before, she disappeared.

“I was devastated this time, assuming that I was just too much for anyone to handle. How horrible of a person could I be, if my mom didn’t even want to be around me?   My passion for life was suffocated with the darkness I felt. I believed I had failed Trevor, being locked in my own world of pain.  He was, always lovingly devoted to me and audaciously fought to be everything I needed, but I feared that secretly he wished that he had never married me. And I despised myself for all the hurt that I had caused him.

Even more devastating to me was the devouring sense that I had failed God. I had read self help books, attended seminars, freedom prayer, read my bible more, but I remained stuck.  I couldn’t be real with God anymore and felt like I had to have more faith, pull myself together, and work a little harder; and because I couldn’t, I just assumed that God was disappointed with me. I believed that there was so much more to a life with God than what I was living…this ABUNDANT LIFE I so often dreamt about seemed out of my reach and I had no idea how to get there.”

MERCY
At one of her stays in the hospital, a nurse, told Christina about Mercy Ministries and encouraged her to apply. Eventually, with Trevor’s agreement, she applied for Mercy, and came to the home in Surrey on August 2nd, 2011.”

“How in the world do I begin to put into words, the absolute miracle that has taken place in my life these past eight months?  I am CERTAIN that the Christina I am today has nothing to do with me and everything to do with God’s work in me.

Now, when I remember specific painful moments in my past; I can see, in my mind, Jesus, standing right there beside me.  Holding me, loving me, and giving me strength.  If He was with me then, there is this conviction deep inside that He will always be there as I walk into the future… When I think of shameful memories; I can see His eyes, and the way He is looking past my behavior, right into my heart, and calling me beautiful and cherished.

My heart is FILLED with Love and tenderness toward my mom, and I know that God will lead her back to Himself.  I also believe that my dad will come to know Him, and that God will heal my siblings’ hearts, just like He did mine.”

Christina describes how God used Mercy Ministries to free her in this way:

“I WAS LOVED! Staff have cared about me, accepted me, on days I was striving to perfection, and when I was plagued with insecurity.  Day in and day out, I was seen, listened to, prayed for and challenged.  I was given space to wrestle things through.  They have shared their hearts and lives with me, allowed me to share mine as well, and encouraged me as I learned about the Grace of God.”

SAYING GOODBYE TO THE EATING DISORDER

As Christina faced the pain of her past The Lord led her to do one more thing:

Christina and Trevor share a laugh at on her graduation day

“At God’s leading, I wrote a letter to the eating disorder.  I wrote about how it had initially captivated me, and helped me in a tough time.  Then how it had deceived me, trapped me, and eventually stole EVERYTHING from me. I wrote about how God has rescued me and adopted me.  I belong to Him now.” He offers me genuine security and true life.  I wrote that I knew God was asking me to let go of the eating disorder, so that He could show me how to walk in health and His authentic beauty.”

So, one date night, Christina and Trevor walked down to the beach.  She tearfully read the letter, Trevor prayed, and destroyed the letter as a symbol of freedom from the eating disorder

“We walked away, that night, holding hands, smiling, and FREE of this obnoxious entity that had plagued my life for 16 years and our marriage for 7.  NOW THAT’S A MIRACLE!”